What the heck is wrong with smoking weed?
So we have an 18 year old in the house and younger teens. The other day we caught her smoking pot for the second time at our home. She just confirmed an acceptance offer into her stretch school and is closing out her high school days with her highest GPA yet. We are so proud of her, and pray she has had enough example and first and second hand counseling from family on both sides of the family to make it through college despite her depression and blackouts when mixing Zoloft with alcohol.
She swears she’d gladly give up alcohol for weed if we weren’t set on drug testing and taking her car every time she failed. It is legal after all (well at least for adults now in our state), and definitely less dangerous than booze (hard to argue there as well). So I guess as parents we have to fall back on the old, “you broke the no drugs in the house” rule. She witnessed a year ago expulsion (albeit temporary) of her brother from the graces of this all expenses paid, rent free living including regular meals, a pool, hot tub and all the free streaming you can order up. He was busted bringing pot in the house so we sent him packing for a couple weeks. He was couch surfing the first week, partying even harder I think, but soon the other parents got tired of the routine.
After my rant and realizing I needed to set an example vs being overrun by my own disease, I try to get a lesson in.
“Can you tell me the benefits you get from smoking pot in the early afternoon on a school day?”
“I get four hours of relaxation. I am getting A’s, have signed up for college in September, have a summer job, and don’t see marijuana the same way you do.”
I hear it, and am on my heels a bit with a pretty rationale argument, but is there more there? Is the lifestyle ok or is she hiding shame, does shewant more from herself?
So what’s next in my playbook? Throwing a daughter out is not the same as a 20 year old son who has already learned independence across the country in college. Take away the TV and her phone? At 18 months away from making these decisions on her own with little repercussion seems silly. And what are we really trying to accomplish? We love her. We want more from her than numbing out at 2:30 on a Thursday because she can (well she didn’t think Mom was coming home). I want more from her than I gave myself for 35 years I suppose, and I only have a few short months left to show her a different way.
We set on taking the TV out of her room, taking the car away for a month and replacing her iPhone 11 with a flip phone (I mean, we gotta be able to get a hold of her, right?). We encourage her to get some exercise and vow to return the privileges after a 30 day x 20 mins/day Peleton streek. She is all in!
So this is all in play when my wife decides the next day she needs to know if there is more going on. A quick search of the room finds more weed and alcohol. Uh oh. My wife pulls her out of school and we are now on the rehab train, looking at programs and testing her temperature. Surprisingly she is all in again. Turns out she is ready for change and to feel better. She seems to be over the defensive posture and at least at face value welcoming her parents to step in and help her out of this jam.
Now the tough part, is rehab right for her? After a lot of council from our circle which includes hundred if not thousands of years of recovery, we realize 30 days may give her tools, but is not necessarily the answer if she is undecided about her future as a drinker or if she is really considering a life of sobriety at only 18 years old. Man this is a mind %&$#!
My sobriety came in my forties, and only with a decision to be “all in.” It matured over time; it was thin in faith. My sobriety needed years of “dry drunk” depression as I celebrated my drink less life without a program until I nearly lost my marriage. It needed a couple of pink clouds and some real miracles. It relied on a ton of prayer and meetings before I could see how selfish I was and how this choice of paths was life or death. Only then I realized I had a spiritual malady that was only cured by a program and a relationship with a higher power. I just pray I can give my daughter this armor and she will wear it proudly before she heads into the next chapter of life.
